Summer sending a clear message to the boys.....don't mess with me fool.

Our eight year old niece, Summer, had a swim meet last weekend and due to a mix up in heat times she was thrown to the wolves in the boys race.  So what's a girl to do?  I'll tell you what she did........she jumped into the liquid jungle and gave those boys the beat down of their lifetime.  She beat her personal best time in the 25yd backstroke and laid the wood to the boys in the process.  Now that she's elevated her game in the pool I thought it's about time to give her some instruction on other aspects of her game.  The area of focus was her trash talking.  I've come up with a three step program specifically designed for 6-10 year old girls to improve their trash talking skills for situations like the one mentioned above.

My program revolves around the BIG THREE: Intimidation, Annihilation, and Humiliation.  They all go hand in hand so if your skills are lacking in one it will definitely affect the total package.  Below are the specifics that I gave her for her next swim meet:

INTIMIDATION:
The intimidation factor doesn't even have to do with talking at all.  It's all about appearance and "the staredown before the beatdown".  I suggested that Summer go out and buy some MMA fighting gear for walking up to the starting blocks.  Specifically, camo TapouT shorts and t-shirt.  I also suggested that she get a tattoo that says "Thug Life" on her stomach for when the warmup clothes come off.  To top things off we worked on her "prison look".  Basically a real hard looking face that says "don't mess with me fool".  The ace in the hole only comes out if someone looks at her funny in which case I've instructed her to bark like a dog with her teeth showing.  With that package her competition is sure to be intimidated before the gun goes off.

ANNIHILATION:
For annihilation to work she has to work hard in the pool and with her dry land program.  She's got to be willing to do the things that other 8 year old girls just aren't willing to do.  I can't list all of the techniques for this but I based the program off of the Navy SEALS BUDS training program so you get the idea.  After 6 weeks of that program the last part of annihilation is at the finish line.  Basically, we don't finish strong in races.  We stick it to the competition and grow a massive lead only to slow down to a near stop at the finish to point out that it was too easy.

HUMILIATION:
Humiliation is the fun part of the program.  This is where we use our vocal cords and body language to squash any self confidence left in her competition.  The first thing I suggested was to get out of the pool and get dressed before her competition even finishes the race.  This way she's got her camo TapouT shorts and shirt on when she gives them any variation of the six shooters or double throat cutter accompanied by an arsinal of verbal badgering.

By following the big three above I think Summer will be on her way to not only dominating the competition but scarring them for life in the process.  It's important for her to learn these skills early in life so I figured it's my duty as her uncle to give her a head start on the competition.